Thursday, February 28, 2013

Detox

I want to Detox.


I've been looking up information on other ways to detox & I just wanted to list a few here as a reference for both myself & you, if you're interested

 My friend just finished the ADVOCARE 24 day challenge, & stated that she lost "7lbs & 10in total in 24 days!!!" Of course that sparked my interest. I did some research on Advocare and while the reviews are mainly positive, the products are a bit pricy.

There are detoxes that do not require you to cut out all food.

Food-lovers cleanse

((In the following information I've highlighted some things, in both sections, that I eat often. This is mostly a reference for me))

This food program is designed to help reduce inflammation, sluggishness and overall body toxicity. It is not a fast, and you can eat plenty of good, filling, wholesome food. The best part is that there is nothing exotic or esoteric here: all of the foods are available at your local grocery store.
You decide how long you want to detox, choosing a minimum of 7-14 days, or as an ongoing lifestyle change. Once you experience how good you feel -balanced, energized and with more clarity than before- you may not want to go back to eating the same old way. This is called keeping it pure and simple.
Keep in mind that around the third day you may feel tired, irritable, or just plain icky. Some people sail through this without a hitch, but you may experience symptoms of withdrawal and detoxification. Remember to drink plenty of water and exercise, even if it’s only walking briskly. Sweat in a sauna or steam bath if you can, as that helps push toxins out of the body.

Foods to eat for a detoxification diet:
      Liquids: Filtered water, herbal teas (detox teas are an option, and may include milk thistle, burdock root or dandelion to help the liver and kidneys), green tea, green drinks, (wheat grass, spirulina, chlorella). Fresh pressed vegetable juice (carrot, beet, celery, cucumber, cabbage, parsley, ginger, greens, etc), vegetable broth or dashi, aloe vera juice (for mild intestinal cleansing)
      Grains and breads: Brown rice, wild, wehani, or red rice, millet, quinoa, oats, buckwheat, sprouted grain bread (wheat-free). After the detox re-introduce gluten and take note if any symptoms arise such as digestive distress, sluggishness, aching joints; these can be indicators of gluten sensitivity.
      Protein: Fresh small white fish; wild salmon; lentils; split peas; chickpeas; black, kidney, adzuki, white, pinto or any other variety of dried beans.
      Dairy substitutes: Rice, almond, or hazelnut milk. (Soymilk is one of the foods to avoid, as soy is a common allergen). Keep in mind that these are considered processed foods, and may be mucus producing. If you are committed to a very strict cleanse these can be eliminated.
      Nuts and seeds: Raw or dry-roasted walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, almonds, and nut butters made from these (nut butters should not have any added oils or sugars).
      Vegetables: 9 servings per day are ideal. Vegetables should include broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, onion, daikon radish, burdock root, turnips, rutabaga, leeks, dark and leafy greens (kale, collards, mustard, turnip, or dandelion greens, bok choy, tatsoi, chicory, watercress, radicchio) and field greens (arugula, organic mesclun, romaine, red and green leaf lettuce). Other vegetables are mineral rich seaweed; carrots; beets; green, yellow and winter squash; sweet potatoes, parsnips.
      Fruit: Seasonal fruits, organic whenever possible. In the temperate zones such as the Northeast, fruits should be non-tropical and non-citrus (except lemon and lime, which are very cleansing to the liver). Apples and pears -in season- are great cleansers.
      Fats: Avocado, nuts, and flaxseed oil, olive oil, and fish oil, for a daily dose of good fats and fatty acids. Don't heat flaxseed or fish oil.
      Sweeteners: No sweeteners would be used in a very strict detox protocol, so use these sparingly. Only natural sweeteners should be used, and in very small quantities: brown rice syrup, fruit sweetener, blackstrap molasses, maple syrup, agave nectar, and stevia.
      Herbs and Spices: Cardamom, cinnamon, cumin, turmeric, star anise, fennel seed, dill, garlic, ginger, oregano, parsley, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, cilantro, sage, basil, marjoram and chives.

Foods to omit during a detox protocol:
Many of these foods are general offenders and should not be in our diets on a general basis, so the detox can actually kick-start a new lifestyle. Keep in mind that the most common food allergens are milk, eggs, wheat, tree nuts, corn, peanuts, shellfish and fish. Add these back into your diet one at a time if you believe that you might be sensitive to any of the above listed foods. If you are, after not consuming them for a couple of weeks you will notice a marked negative response.
      Liquids: Soda, coffee, black tea, alcohol, milk. Soymilk should be omitted or consumed in very small quantity. Fruit juices should be consumed in limited quantity or not at all, and restricted to unsweetened cranberry juice and fresh pressed juices.
      Grains and breads: Omit all white bread, white flour, white rice, wheat, and all grain and flour containing gluten. These include barley, bulgur, couscous, durum, farina, graham flour, kamut, matzo, rye, seitan, semolina, spelt, and triticale. The jury is out on oats, as they sometimes irritate gluten sensitivity. Corn is also a very common allergen, so cornmeal, corn cereals, grits etc should be eliminated temporarily.
      Protein: Soy products should be avoided, and reintroduced only in organic form as tofu or tempeh. Other soy products are excessively processed. Seitan (which is gluten) should be temporarily eliminated. Do not eat any animal products except (optionally) a small amount of fish as listed in recommended foods above. If animal foods are part of the regular diet, restrict consumption to small amounts of free range and organic beef, lamb, pork, turkey and chicken and eggs. (Keep in mind that in Europe a serving of meat is 3-4 ounces). Cold cuts, processed sausages, canned meat, shellfish, farmed non-organic salmon, large predatory and deep sea fish (such as marlin, shark, dolphin, tuna, swordfish, mahi mahi) should be avoided.
      Dairy: Omit completely. After the detox, small amounts of goat or sheep products can be reintroduced.
      Nuts and Seeds: Peanuts and peanut butter (very common allergen), cashews, Brazil, and macadamia nuts.
      Vegetables: Avoid nightshade vegetables: potato, tomato, eggplant, sweet and hot peppers, cayenne, tomatillos, paprika and pimentos. It should be noted here that tobacco is also a nightshade.
      Fruit: Excessively sugary fruits like grapes should be eaten in very small quantity or avoided; black and red grapes are more vitamin rich than green. Make sure all grapes are organic. Tropical fruits such as mango, papaya, banana and pineapple should only be eaten in a warm climate or in the summer months when their cooling properties are beneficial. Excess citrus should be avoided, especially orange juice, as it is mucus producing. Whole citrus fruits may be tolerated on occasion. Due to its high sugar content, dried fruit should be limited to occasional consumption.
      Fats: Margarine, butter, shortening, hydrogenated fats and oils, mayonnaise, and “butter” type spreads should be eliminated.
      Condiments: Ketchup, mayonnaise, bottled salad dressings and sauces, regular table salt (use sea salt or tamari instead and sparingly).
      Sweeteners: All processed sugar including evaporated cane juice, demerara, succanat, and brown sugar; corn syrup, artificially or sugar-sweetened jams and marmalades. Use fruit-only spreads.
Eliminate all fast food; processed, canned, and commercially prepared food. This includes boxed mixes and frozen dinners. If absolutely necessary, small amounts of frozen organic fruits and vegetables can be used if fresh are not available.
Please consult your healthcare provider before undertaking any significant dietary changes.

Battle of the cleanses

11 Natural Methods for Detoxing Your Body
11 Natural Methods For Detoxing Your Body

Juicing vs Blending

11 Natural Methods for Detoxing Your Body
11 Natural Methods for Detoxing Your Body
11 Natural Methods for Detoxing Your Body

11 Natural Methods for Detoxing Your Body

Monday, February 25, 2013

My 1 year wedding anniversary

One year ago today, I walked down the aisle
& into the arms of my best friend.
That was the best day of my life.
  


The past year was eventful. Like any other relationship there were ups & downs, goods & bads. There were things we had to adjust to & hard times we had to get through, mainly military life. Today we are adjusting to & going through one of the hardest points in our relationship. Deployment. It's so bittersweet to have made it through our first year as a married couple & then not be able to celebrate it together.





Despite the fact that A & I are so far away from one & other, he managed to make today special. He, with a little help from his mom, bought me a beautiful bracelet from Pandora with our "A<3E" on it! I absolutely LOVE it!



I just can't wait until I can wrap my arms around him again. August is the only thing I have to look forward to. I'm hoping that since this past year has flown by so quick, the next six months will do the same.

Happy Anniversary A<3 I love you so much.




Sunday, February 24, 2013

Food & Fitness Tracker: Week 1

I'm (hopefully) going to start logging my food & physical activity here on a daily basis & then posting them weekly.
I'll also include things like: My weight on Monday vs my weight on Sunday. Daily water intake. Cheat meals/snacks. & anything else health related. These posts are mainly for me to keep track of my progress. I will keep the same title, changing only the week #, so you know whether or not you'd like to read these entries.

I'm actually starting this post late (Wednesday), so this week I'm just going to do my best to sum up what I ate & did on Monday/Tuesday, but next week I'll start on Monday & be very detailed.

If I list something here that you would like information on let me know.

Monday 2/18/2013 (guesstimate) - Weight: 120 lbs
      Breakfast: Smoothie (My recipe always changes so no specific ingredients on a guesstimate, but I did attach a helpful guide at the bottom of this post)
      Snack: N/A
      Lunch: Hill Country Fare Home Style Chicken Noodle Soup
      Snack: N/A
      Dinner: Chicken in cream of mushroom soup with rice and asparagus.
      Cheat: Small Brownie (Left over from Karen's B-day)/a handful of jelly beans
      Water: > 32oz
      Physical Activities: N/A
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin
     

Tuesday 2/19/2013 (guesstimate) -
      Breakfast: Smoothie (My recipe always changes so no ingredients on a guesstimate)
      Snack: N/A
      Lunch: Subway - 6 in Italian Herbs & cheese, w/ Turkey, Pepper Jack, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion,                        & Mayo
      Snack: Handful of mixed nuts
      Dinner: Experimental Pizza Rolls, Tomato, Chobani Blueberry Greek Yogurt
      Cheat: Small Brownie (Left over from Karen's B-day)//Banana dipped in chocolate fruit dip
      Water: > 32oz
      Physical Activities: Tony Little Gazelle for 20 mins.
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin 

Wednesday 2/20/2013 -
      Breakfast: Smoothie-1 cup frozen strawberries, 2 large fresh kale leaves, 1 scoop protein powder, 1/2 cup coconut milk, 1/2 cup Chobani Greek blueberry yogurt, 1 banana
      Snack: Nature Valley Fruit & Nut bar
      Lunch: N/A (I know shame on me)
      Snack: Orange
      Dinner: Broiled Tilapia, Rice & Zucchini/Yellow Squash
      Cheat: Protein Shake
      Water: 52 oz
      Physical Activities: Walked to the Gym (30 mins), Elliptical (10 mins), Personal Training on TRX (1 hr)
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin 

Thursday 2/21/2013 - So Sore!!

      Breakfast: Smoothie:1 cup frozen strawberries, 2 large fresh kale leaves, 2 scoops protein powder, 1/2 cup coconut milk, 1/2 cup Chobani Greek pineapple yogurt, 1 banana, handful of fresh blackberries, a few canned pineapple chunks 
      Snack: Nature Valley Fruit & Nut bar
      Lunch: N/A (Oops I did it again)
      Snack: Handful of mixed nuts & a spoonful of peanut butter (is this snack or cheat?)
      Dinner: Fudruckers southwest burger and fries
      Cheat: N/A
      Water: 40oz
      Physical Activities: Walked 2 dogs (15 mins) & my poor sore arms could have done without seeing that cute bunny!:/ , 30 stability ball wall squats with dumbbells
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin 

Friday 2/22/2013
      Breakfast: Smoothie, duh! 2 large kale leaves, 1 cup canned pineapple chunks, Chobani strawberry Greek yogurt, 2 scoops protein powder, 1/2 cup coconut milk, 1 banana
      Snack: Nature Valley Fruit & Nut bar
      Lunch: Hill Country Fare Chicken Noodle Soup
      Snack: N/A
      Dinner: 1/2 chicken florentine breast, macaroni pasta salad, grilled cheese sandwich, french fries
      Cheat: N/A
      Water: 60oz
      Physical Activities: N/A
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin 

Saturday 2/23/2013 - BAD DAY
      Breakfast: 6oz Chobani strawberry-banana Greek yogurt, handful mixed nuts
      Snack: N/A
      Lunch: N/A
      Snack: N/A
      Dinner: McDs cheeseburger plain w French fries and a coke
      Cheat: N/A
      Water: 32oz
      Physical Activities: N/A
      Vitamins: N/A

Sunday 2/24/2013 - BAD DAY
      Breakfast: N/A
      Snack: N/A
      Lunch: tuna, avocado & tomato sandwich with veggie chips
      Snack: N/A
      Dinner: N/A
      Cheat: dark chocolate chex mix
      Water: >32oz
      Physical Activities: dog walk @ OP Schnabel park (30 mins)
      Vitamins: Fish Oil, Multi-Vitamin



I didn't do as well as I'd hoped this week, I got busy/lazy. I plan to do better next week. I went to HEB Sunday & picked up enough breakfast/lunch/dinner materials for the week.

Less eating out. Less cheats. Less meal skipping.  No EXCUSES!


Thursday, February 21, 2013

170 Views?

I have no clue how I could have 170 views.... I've only had this blog for 22 days, I only have 9 (including this one) published blog posts, & as far as I know, only 3 other people know about this blog... I wish I could figure out how people are finding me, & if anyone is actually reading me or just clicking out as soon as they've realized what they've opened... Any regulars out there?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Fate or Fluke

    There are so many questionable things in this world. Who invented toe nail clippers? Why is the sky blue? Donde esta la biblioteca? Where did we come from? What is my purpose? Is there something after this life? Some questions will have an exact & correct answer. Some of them won't. There will also people who accept that there is no answer & there will be people who just don't.
    My husband is a man of Love. He believes fully, that he is in love with me & that we will spend the rest of our lives together. As much as I enjoy the way that sounds the only thing I ever do is question. "Why do you love me?", "What do you love about me?", "How do you know we will last forever?" I know that sounds awful, like I'm purposely trying to sabotage a good thing, but I just want to know how he is so sure even though I am not... Of course I enjoy his company & at this point in my life he is the only man I can imagine being with, but life is so easily swayed. Thing change at the drop of a hat. Sometimes that includes your feelings for someone... In the past 20 years I've had & have outgrown many friendships, so how does he know he wont outgrow me?
    Now my best friend is a woman of God & she believes in the power of prayer, but why? There is a lot to be said for someone who can truly believe in what they've never seen & who can fully love someone they've never met. If you can wholeheartedly believe in & love something that has never once appeared in your life then, there not a doubt in my mind that, you will give yourself wholly to any person you fall in love with.
    Now if anyone who is reading this actually knows me, than you know I'm the kind of person who needs proof when determining what's real & what's not.  If I can't touch it, taste it, hear it, smell it, or see it, than chances are I don't believe it. Because of this I'm very indecisive on things like God & Love. I will never tell you not to believe in the things you believe in but, even if you have "proof", I will probably always continue to ask the same questions..

With all that in mind I want to ask you how you would categorize the following series of events...

Fate • noun
The development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power
vs
Fluke • noun
Unlikely chance occurrence, esp. a surprising piece of luck

This morning while driving to work I was kind of zoning out. Not caring too much about what was on the radio, not noticing the beautiful sunrise, & not giving two sh*ts about the other drivers. I changed lanes & ended up behind a little blue truck with Cowboys bumper stickers & a license plate that started out AE1 (AE is symbolic to A & me, well because it our first name initials, duh!)  & right as I noticed, Carolina Liar- Show Me What I'm Looking For, came on & it just seemed so fitting, but that wasn't it... Every song after, until I got to work, was about A & me. I know it sounds lame but I felt like it was a sign... I used to say that every song on the radio was about me so I'm not sure why this felt so different but it did.

I miss him so much... I'll probably be seeing him everywhere I go. Is it august yet?!

Carolina Liar - Show Me What I'm Looking For

http://youtu.be/5IqCfxgKZd8Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Oh lord
Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long



Grace Potter & The Nocturnals - Stars

I can't look at the stars,
They make me wonder where you are
Stars,
Up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all,
I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
All those times we looked up at the sky,
Looking out so far,
We felt like we could fly.
And now I'm all alone in the dark of night,
The moon is shining,
But I can't see the light,
And I can't look at the
Stars,
They make me wonder where you are


Passenger - Let Her Go

You only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go





Sunday, February 17, 2013

Finishing Something

    I have started 2 (this is the 3rd) blog posts this week & I'm hoping this one will actually get finished. I seem to have a problem with finishing things that I start. What is that about? I need to get over that. Seriously.

    This week has already been one hell of a roller coaster ride... There have been goods & bads, ups & downs. Even though I've been feeling like doing nothing all week, I've actually been pretty productive.

    I've started trying to eat better. This week I've had yogurt with fresh berries, morning smoothies with protein, nuts & granola bars. I've also been trying to eat more times a day & have smaller portions. Hopefully I can stick with it...
   
    Eventually I plan on getting to the gym at least 4 times a week but this week the only time I went to the gym was Wednesday for my personal training session. I did however take the dogs for a walk on Tuesday & went for a 2 hour hike with Zynthia on Saturday. My legs have been so sore all week. I need to do some upper body workouts. 
   
    I got a lot accomplished at work this week. I finally made all of my 2013 file folders. I've just about got January closed out. I'm also finally getting the hang of all these changes.
   
    My Valentine's day didn't end up being as dismal as I had expected because I have pretty amazing friends. My BFF, Victoria, made a special delivery to my work. She just gets me!<3 I also had an "Alone on Valentine's Day" dinner date at 54th Street Grill with Leigha, Chris and Matt. I had a fun time & it was amusing when the waitress assumed we were on a double date & joined the checks... Doesn's she know what happens when you assume?  

    I also had the pleasure of a Saturday lunch date with my Aunt Susan, cousin Jim, his wife, their baby & my brother David. It was great to see my family, we had good conversation & Perico's always has good food.

    Even though I've been so productive this past week, today I just don't feel like doing a damn thing. I mean it is Sunday, I should get a day to do nothing right? Netflix & PJs. All. Day. Long.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Yay, Valentine's Day...

Good morning heartache, you old gloomy sight
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed until it seemed you had gone
But here you are with the dawn

Wish I’d forget you, but you're here to stay
It seems I met you, when my love went away
Now everyday I start by saying to you
'Good morning heartache, what's new?'

Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you no how
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight through Sunday blues
Good morning heartache, here we go again.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Expectations

    I think I had different expectations for this deployment.
    I assumed that it would be hardest at the beginning & slowly get easier, but as I sit here thinking I fear I may be wrong. Of course saying goodbye was difficult as always & I did cry, but so far this hasn't felt any different than so many of the previous TDYs. Unfortunatly this isnt a TDY, this is a deployment & the difference is a matter of months. I will have to go days without his touch, weeks without his kiss & months without his company. I fear that the further into this deployment we get, the more heartache I will experience. How can I miss him so much already when its only been a day & he hasn't even left the states? I am not prepared for this. At all.
    A left Texas yesterday morning & arrived in Baltimore yesterday afternoon. He'll be in Baltimore until his flight at 9:50PM tonight. From there he goes to Germany, then from Germany to Italy & finally from Italy to his home base. I have no idea about the time frame on all that though. I wish everything wasn't so unsure.    
    
    I knew that with taking multiple days off, there would be a lot of crap to do at work today, but I didn't imagine how much... When I got there papers were all over my desk. Kim called me into her office first thing. She let me know that she had been going easy on me the past couple of weeks because she had a ton to do & she knew I had a lot going on as well but she made it clear all that was to change. From now on its all work & no play. I matched up & posted all of our payables. I counted & sorted out 65 clarisonic brushes.
I got distracted & interrupted quite a few times. Before I knew it it was 4pm.
    After work I picked David up, talked with the in-laws, went to HEB, took the dogs on a walk
& made heroes for dinner. All before 7:30pm.
    I've started watching "the United States of Tara" on Netflix and its so weird. It's about a wife/mother who has multiple personalities. Her alters are bizarre, her kids are super mature & her husband is a saint. Watching this show makes me realize how lucky A & I are to have each other.
    I actually just received a call from A. Something in his orders is incorrect & it could possibly delay his deployment until next week which could mean he'll get to come back home for a couple days... Maybe. I hope.
    Ok A's deployment is officially delayed. He'll get to come back home tomorrow which means we won't be spending Valentines Day alone;)
    OK A has been detoured and will be staying in Norfolk VA until the next flight out. FML. Lonely Valentine's Day it is.

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Saddest Day

    Today's the day. I've been dreading its arrival for weeks, even months now. Today I have to see A, my husband & best friend, off on his deployment. Today marks the first day of the longest, hardest 6 months of our ((young adult)) lives. In all honesty, I'm terrified.
    When I try to imagine having to live without him, my heart drops into the deepest part of my stomach. I know this is only temporary & that it's something he has to do for work. I also know that his leaving has nothing to do with our relationship, but if I had to describe how this feels I would have to equate it to a break up. He's leaving & there's nothing I can do to get him to stay.
    I have a million questions & there are so many unknowns right now. My mind is racing with thoughts of A & even more thoughts to try to keep my mind off of thinking about him. "What will he be doing while he's over there?" "Will he be safe?" "How often will I be able to talk to him?" "What day will he be home to me?" "Is it too soon to start planing a "welcome home" party?" "Is it August yet??!"

    I do plan to keep busy & be productive while he's gone. There are so many things I want to do during the next 6 months.
Workout
Photography
Clean
Organize
Craft
Send Care Packages
Blog

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Worst Week Ever

To begin, I would like to warn you about the rant you are about to read. If pitty is the next emotion you want to feel, then continue on.... If not, walk away & dont look back.

Now I would like to inform you that I will not be a good blogger... I didn't even finish my first blog post, I haven't had any time to let you know how A's going away party went (let alone edit the pictures), & I already have so many other things to do & write about that I'm not sure if backtracking will work out... Blogging will probably end up in the pile of "things that I started but will never finish".  Go me..................


This has been the absolute worst week ever & unfortunately its only Wednesday...

Monday was bad followed by worse..
   To begin I woke up & it was Monday. Mondays already suck because, well it's Monday. Unfortunately this Monday is worse than most because it begins the countdown:( A & I had one week from Monday to get all of our affairs in order, get him all packed up, spend time together, hold each other. One week until he leaves. For 6 long months. Of course that made me cry. I cried so hard I threw up. Crying before 7AM probably qualified Monday as "the worst" already but wait... There's more.
   I had to leave for work earlier than normal to drop off the rent check but between driving all teary eyed, going out of my way, all the traffic lights & the inching traffic on 281 I'm amazed David even got to work on time... Even more amazed I made it on time... Unfortunately I'm doubtful the rent check made it on time because there were no other checks in the box. Which is very irritating because the rent check would have been just as late had I dropped if off after work.
    When I finally got to work, the time clock wasn't working, so even though I made it in on time my time card doesn't currently reflect that. I had (& still have) piles of work on my desk which make me feel like it is going to be highly unlikely to request any additional days off this week. I had to ((use my gas to)) drop off the rent check for work. I spilled coffee all over my desk, calculator & key board.  I was constantly hounded for information, all of which I needed someone to provide for me before I could provide it for those who need it from me. An order I placed was delivered & even though I put the correct shipping address in the Email, the order was delivered to the wrong location... So the only information I had on package was the person who signed for it but since I didn't recognize the signature I had to run around through the business complex & try to locate the package. No luck. FedEx was extremely unhelpful as well... To make everything worse, I've been on my stupid [.]. For 15 days now!!!!!!!!!  After work was better but not great. We slacked off, didn't pack anything, didnt get any alone time, didn't really do anything... I don't know what I expected, but this sure as hell wasn't it.


Tuesday honestly wasn't too awful ((except the part where I dropped my phone in the toilet)) but it's one day closer to the 11th so it qualifies as a bad day..

Wednesday ((or today if you prefer)) has already been a nightmare...
   I know I should be looking on the bright side. I know I have a lot to be thankful for & a lot to be happy about but right now everything seems to be going so wrong. When I type them out and re-read them I know how trivial it all sounds but knowing its trivial doesn't really change the way its all making me feel.

   Why is my [.] lasting so long.. I'm on my [.] because I stress. I stress because I'm on my [.]!
   Why is my face so broken out?
   Why have I gained so much weight?!
   Why do I feel so disgusting? I dont Even want A to touch me... I'm sure that doesnt make him feel too good.
   Why am I so stupid? I dropped my damn phone in the damn toilet!! Now I'm really scared about how A & I will be communicating while hes gone.
   Why do we always wait till the last minute to get everything done?? Call AT&T, Call SAWS, Call USAA, Return/Buy new Tennis Shoes, Laundry, Laundry, Laundry, Pack, Blah. Blah. Blah...


All this stress is making me wanna rip my hair out... I'm going to be bald before I know it.